This week was spring break. Which meant I should have had a lot of time and adventures to blog about.
Instead, I mostly hibernated.
Until yesterday, when I ventured out with some friends to the Eagle Deli, which is apparently kind of famous. Mostly because of this:
Yeah. Guess what we ordered.
It came with these. You know, in case you were still hungry.
In the words of Barney Stinson, “Challenge Accepted.”
The monstrosity of a burger reminded me of nothing so much as my adventures with NPR known as Sandwich Monday1 where the “Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me” staff ate ridiculous sandwiches every Monday and subjected themselves to indigestion and weight gain in order to bring awesome commentary to the internet. What a sacrifice. So I have chosen to format my blog today in very much the same way that NPR formats their Sandwich Monday posts.
So these are our thoughts while eating the Challenge Burger.
Greg: Make way for burger.
Mackenzi: That’s the name of my next picture book. The sequel to “Make Way for Ducklings.”
Clarissa: They made it surprisingly quickly. It makes me suspicious they were just microwaving it in the back.
Gabi: And with disappointingly little production. I was hoping for music and fireworks.
Clarissa: This is a great activity for a Friday during Lent.
Gabi: God will forgive us, because this burger only means that we will be joining him that much sooner.
Clarissa: In heaven, the streets are paved with burger.
Greg: There’s another burger on the menu called the Godzilla. I’m confused why that isn’t the name of this burger.
Mackenzi: This burger is the building that Godzilla knocks down.
Jessica: It’s the leaning tower of burger.
Mackenzi: You can actually see your reflection in the grease.
CJ: No open flames near this, or we’ll all go up.
Gabi: This burger needs to come with a free cab ride home.
Jessica: Complete with those barf bags like on airplanes.
Clarissa: It’s like the hunger games, except in this one, it’s the food that fights back.
Mackenzi: Everything about this is the opposite of the hunger games. It is the never hungry again games.
Brandon: This bottom bun is less bread and more just grease sponge.
Greg: And a defibrillator for dessert!
The only reason we beat the burger was because there were eight of us. Yeah, it took eight of us, three of which were guys, to wrestle this guy into submission. But it was actually a surprisingly delicious burger. You would think that quantity would trump quality, but it was surprisingly delicious. Also the fries were great. I was told the pickles were kind of bland, but really, we weren’t there for the pickles.
So the story of my spring break is that I slept, then woke up to eat a giant hamburger, then slipped back into a deep food coma.