in which I examine my google search history

In order for me to become a master in May, I have to complete a thesis over the course of this year. This thesis is a novel-length piece, which I write and work on under the direction of a mentor from the wide world of publishing.

So my life for the past month and a half1 has been consumed by my thesis. This is partially me just informing you of this fact and partially explaining why I haven’t been blogging with any sort of consistency.

I have been absolutely eaten up by this project. Obsessive in a way I’ve never been with any other piece of writing. I think about it all the time. I dream about it2. I plan scenes in my head while shelving books at work, while riding the train, while watching television3. I’d rather be writing than almost doing anything else. I’ve been sort of acting like a real writer lately, and it’s been fun.

When I tell people that I’m working on my thesis novel, the inevitable next question is “What’s it about?” I’m still really terrible at talking about my own writing. Worse at giving an elevator pitch of it. Even worse where this particular project is concerned, because it’s just really hard to explain with any sort of brevity or sanity.

So I thought I’d let my Google search history explain it instead. Sometimes I think that being a writer is just an extended game of “The Weirdest Thing I’ve Ever Googled,” and I have been definitely winning with this manuscript.

Here is an eclectic list of my most recent Google searches relating to my manuscript:

  • Miles between Geneva and Lyon
  • Recipe for spiced wine
  • Paradise Lost quotations in Frankenstein
  • French pastries
  • Slang for cyborg
  • Regency winter wear
  • How long does it take to dig a grave?
  • Victor Frankenstein childhood
  • How to tell if a cut is infected
  • Parts of a bridge
  • Can a bullet go through a steel plate?
  • “Make me a willow cabin at your gate” full quotation
  • Swiss surnames
  • What color hair did Mary Shelley have?
  • Regency underclothes
  • How much does it snow in Oslo?
  • How to say “shut up” in Dutch

I now leave it up to your active imaginations to guess for yourself what exactly my manuscript is about. Anyone care to speculate? If you need more clues, here’s a Pinterest board to help.


  1. Actually, since January really.
  2. Last night I dreamt that I was staring in a staged version of it. My subconscious is weird, man.
  3. Which I don’t do anymore, because I’d rather be writing.
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4 thoughts on “in which I examine my google search history

  1. Billy says:

    My speculative plot synopsis:

    A French gravedigger longs for a better life in Switzerland so he takes his life savings and moves from Lyon, France to Geneva, Switzerland where he opens a French pastry shop and instead of serving latte and espresso he tries serving spiced wine with his croissants. Obviously a bad idea, he is soon broke and homeless in Geneva. He meets a Dutch merchant who validates the world famous expression, “you can tell a Dutchman, but you can’t tell him much” and they decide to travel east hearing that labor is cheap in Transylvania where the Dutchman wants to set up a business making scandalous female undergarments and selling them to Western Europeans. Short on funds to finance the venture, the pair encounter a young Doctor, Victor Frankenstein, who lures the former gravedigger into digging up corpses and stealing body parts so that he can create a part human, part steal machine called CYBOTIC, that turns out to be a cross between Rush Limbaugh and Ironman. CYBOTIC is impervious to bullets but talks nonstop. Sensing trouble brewing because the Dutchman is continually trying to get Rush Ironman to shut up, the French gravedigger demands his money from Victor and he gives it to him. He and the Dutch entrepreneur start Regency Underclothes. The business is so successful they go global and after the IPO of stock they are both wealthy beyond their wildest dreams and our French gravedigger moves to Oslo, Norway where he meets Percy Shelley who is on holiday. Percy, a quintessential reserved Brit who cannot talk about women’s underwear let alone walk into a store and buy any such unmentionable items for his wife, needs something to spice up his relationship but suitable for the cold, snowy environment of Norway. Knowing the French gravedigger by his reputation in ladies undergarments, he covertly asks him to make some particularly scandalous underwear for his wife Mary that will match her hair color, as well as be serviceable in the deep, Oslo snows. Our rich gravedigger takes up the challenge, and gets Percy the requested underwear in exchange for an idea that will give him a place to invest his untold riches….build a bridge across the English Channel. And thus you have the lead-in to book two of the three book series. I also have book two and three plotted but for that I need five percent of the gross receipts of the series. Titles – Book 1- Cybotic and the Sexy Underwear (the title alone will sell 100,000 copies); Book 2 – The Gravedigger’s Dream; Book 3…I need a contract for the five percent first :)

  2. […] project, which I have mentioned in passing a few times here on the blog, began last February, when I sent the MT an email with a short synopsis of my idea. The first line […]

  3. […] Careful What You Google Writing is weird and so are my Google searches In Which I examine my Google Search History One day my Google search history will get me arrested It’s ok I’m a […]

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